


Like An Ocean

by kiyala



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:52:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4815725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyala/pseuds/kiyala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iwaizumi and his feelings for Oikawa, through the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like An Ocean

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hawberries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawberries/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Leonie <3

Iwaizumi Hajime is eight years old, and being friends with Oikawa Tooru is like dipping his toes into the creek at the back of the park where they always play. The water is cool, constantly trickling through the rocks and tree roots and it makes him think of the way Oikawa is never quite standing still, finding things to climb, or crawl through, or poke at, all the while talking about the newest fact he's learned about space. Did Hajime know there's no atmosphere on Mars? That Jupiter is made entirely of gas? That traces of ice on planets mean that there must be water somewhere and water is an essential part of life, right Iwa-chan, so that must mean―

Oikawa is the steady movement and constant sound of a running creek and Hajime lets it wash over him, lets himself be carried away with all of it. Oikawa is a constant, like the chirping of insects and croaking of frogs by the water, like the fact that they'll always find their way to this back corner of the park until they're yelled at by their mothers to stay in sight. 

Oikawa is the warm hand around his, pulling Hajime along to their next adventure, not letting go once they've gotten there. He's home, even when Hajime is too young to know that _home_  is not a place, but a feeling. 

Curling his fingers around Oikawa's, Hajime knows that they'll always be friends.

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi Hajime is eleven years old, and feels like he knows everything. Being with Oikawa feels like standing in a stream; he can stand firm and the water will change its path around him, but it will keep flowing. It's still just as tempting to let it sweep him away too. 

They're playing volleyball and Hajime starts off loving it for the way that it makes Oikawa smile. Soon, he's enjoying it for the way it makes him smile too. They understand each other in a way that doesn't need words. They translate that into the way they play and they might still be young, but they know that they have something special, something that will be formidable once they hone it. 

"I'll send all my tosses to you," Oikawa decides, as they practice in his backyard. "I can trust you to spike them right."

"That's not how it works," Hajime replies. "It's a whole team for a reason."

Oikawa is silent for a moment, and Hajime sighs. 

"But send your tosses to me, if that's what you feel is right. I'll spike them. Always."

Oikawa beams so brightly that it makes Hajime's heart skip a beat, to think he can be responsible for a smile like that.

"I know you've always got my back, Iwa-chan."

 

* * *

   
   
At thirteen, Hajime feels like he's being dunked underwater every time Oikawa smiles at a girl at school. 

He's being possessive. It's fine. He's not used to the idea of sharing Oikawa. Even if Oikawa is annoying and loud and obnoxious, he's  _Hajime's_  annoyance. He doesn't like the thought of someone else trying to deal with Oikawa. They wouldn't know how. 

But they're growing and Oikawa is gorgeous—Hajime can see it for himself. He's good-looking the way that the rest of the guys in their grade wish they were. Hajime isn't jealous the way that the others are, though, for the way the girls in their classes will look at Oikawa and giggle if he meets their eyes. It leaves him cold and scared and chanting  _it's fine, it's fine_ , in his head, hoping that he'll start believing it soon. 

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi Hajime is fourteen years old and being in love with his best friend feels like he's being swept out to sea in the middle of the night. Nobody notices, especially not Oikawa, and Hajime is reeling with just how much he feels. It feels like his heart is going to burst, like his lungs are going to give out, and he doesn't think he's ever felt  _anything_  in his life the way he feels this. 

He's in love, and he's trying to push his feelings down while they threaten to consume him the moment he lets his guard down. Oikawa doesn't need a lover, he needs a goddamn babysitter to stop him from pushing himself so hard. Oikawa cares about being the best. He cares about Hajime, of course, and Oikawa doesn't owe him any more than that. Hajime is in love and maybe he's been in love his whole life and only just realised. Maybe giving a name to the feeling has made things ten times worse. 

Maybe Oikawa will never love him back like this and that's okay, too. Hajime is there for him, his support, his pillar, and he's happy to have this. He's happy that Oikawa trusts him to be there, with an unshakable confidence in Hajime's abilities. He wishes Oikawa would feel the same about himself, but that's what he has Hajime for anyway. 

He's happy with this. This is enough. It's enough. Sometimes, Hajime will find that he can't breathe, can't even think, for how much he loves Oikawa. 

This is enough. 

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi Hajime is sixteen years old and shivering in the park where he and Oikawa used to play when they were younger. 

It's winter. He and Oikawa haven't spoken for three days. It's a record. 

The creek he used to dip his toes in has frozen from the cold. He has his hands in his pockets and he tenses when he hears footsteps behind him. 

"I thought you might be here."

"Don't talk to me," Hajime mutters. "Don't look at me. I'm going to punch you."

He hears Oikawa step closer, hears the uneven footsteps as he limps, and balls his hands into fists in his pockets. 

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa stands beside him. "Look at me."

He doesn't. He glares down at the frozen creek, at the bare branches that winter has left behind, at anything and everything other than Oikawa Tooru, because he can't stand to. He can't stand watching him trying to hold back his grimace of pain, favouring one leg over the other. He can't stand feeling like he's a fucking failure, because he can't do anything right, couldn't even stop his best friend from pushing himself to injury. 

"Iwa-chan. Hajime."

 _I hate you so much_ , he wants to say, but what comes out is, "I love you so much."

Oikawa blinks, caught off guard, and Hajime squeezes his eyes shut. Well, now he's fucked up. 

"I love you," he says again, because it's out now. He might as well. "And you're hurting yourself for this and I can't stand it, I can't do this. I can't watch you keep going on like this and I can't leave you and I—"

"Hajime."

He falls silent. He lets Oikawa lean into his space, lets Oikawa kiss him clumsily. It's Hajime's first, but he's pretty sure isn't for Oikawa. It doesn't matter, because it's  _their_ first, and that's all Hajime cares about. Their lips aren't quite lined up and he fixes that, stepping closer, taking his hands out of his pockets and settling them on Oikawa's sides instead. He lets Oikawa lean against him, supporting him, holding him up like he always has, like he always will. 

"I love you," Hajime murmurs and Oikawa doesn't say it back, but that's okay. He doesn't need to put it into words when it's there in the way he relaxes against Hajime, the way he mouths an apology against the warm skin of Hajime's neck. He doesn't actually voice it, and he doesn't promise that it won't happen again. They both know better than that. 

 

* * *

 

At eighteen, Hajime thinks that he understands why the phrase  _deeply in love_  exists. 

Every time he thinks he's found the limit of just how much he can love Oikawa, he realises he's wrong. He finds new depths with every smile Oikawa gives him, every touch, and sometimes it still leaves him breathless. He doesn't mind. 

Oikawa is in bed beside him, naked, smiling at him sleepily, and Hajime smiles back. He rolls over, pressing Oikawa into the mattress, kissing his neck. 

"Good morning."

"Mm, yes it is." Oikawa wraps his legs around Hajime's waist. "I'll tell you how it could get better, though…"

With a quiet laugh, Hajime kisses him hard. He doesn't pull away until they're both breathless, and then presses his lips to Oikawa's again, just briefly. "I'm listening."

Rocking his hips, Oikawa kisses along Hajime's jaw, to his ear. "What if we…"

"Yeah," Hajime breathes. He grinds against Oikawa slowly, kissing him between his soft gasps. "Yeah, we could."

They give up on speaking entirely, guiding each other through their touches. Oikawa whines when he wants more. Hajime grins, denying him just a little longer, until they both run out of patience. 

"Love you," Oikawa gasps out, head thrown back, his body a taut arch. "I love you, I love you."

It's not the first time he's said it, but Hajime feels himself fall a little harder every single time he hears it. 

"Love you, Tooru," he murmurs, and Oikawa comes with a loud, content sigh. Hajime follows right behind him, as always. 

If love is like an ocean, Hajime isn't sinking in it so much as floating, with Oikawa right beside him. Right where he belongs. 

**Author's Note:**

> A really big thank you to Lin, who read over this for me first. <3


End file.
